Where has the jovial girl gone?

The more I read, the more I fear that the diagnosis is accurate. Getting a yes for 90% of the items raised definitely instilled the fear in me. 

Shortly after H was born, mum left us. He said I'm not coping well. I said its probably the initial stage of grieving.

Recently, I felt much worse than the previous 2 times. Dr. M gently told me that he is diagnosing me with "D" too.

I had always been submissive and obeyed the MDs. This time round I can't help myself but to continuously run away from the problem. Dr M had to drag me to IMH to seek help; made me think is that cause I'm sinking further or things had turned for the worse. I was surprised he forego his lunch hr to bring me there and surprised he called IMH to check that I attended the follow up session. 

Denial for admission at that point of time seems appropriate but now it seems to have tortured me further.

The lack of focus, the constant aggitation and seating here alone in the dark I just have no idea what to do.

I need sleep

The male species seems to be able to just lie down and sleep. Seriously, I'm annoyed cause I went to bed at 9pm and can't sleep till now and he just walks in and lie down and next minute he's asleep.

Finished reading Data Anonymization Techniques and trust me that was an informative read and a definite yawn fest but I'm still wide awake.

I detest this feeling......I can't do this anymore. Writing is not helping, how can I help myself! Vexed!