Dad's passing

9 years of dialysis and Covid19 took your life. When NTFGH called for us to head down to ICU, I knew you had passed. Passing during Covid times is difficult, I honestly do not know how to react. I just view his cold lifeless body from the outside of the isolation room and collected his personal belongings and waited for the CCOD. No goodbyes, no closure. Burial service was from a distant in PPE. Brother was devastated, I did not shed a tear. Not because I love him any less but I don't know, I just didn't know what to feel. An orphan at 43? Avoidance and not wanting to feel is what I do best. Emotions are for the weak. I am craving medicines that would make me forget, numb me from feeling any emotions please I don't want to deal with this.