You see me in the office and I flash you a big wide smile, you would have no idea that my heart is in denial. You ask me how my day was and I said fine. You have no idea that my brain and I are arguing if I should cross the line.
My happiness is gone as I walk in this world. The thoughts in my head have me wishing I was laying in a cold dark space. Once you lose your soul there is no turning back. Everything I once dreamed of no longer has an impact in my life.
I smile so that's what people see on my face, they think that i'm happy but deep down inside I feel like a worthless soul. The performance I put on for people is Emmy award winning, But I question myself and wonder if my act is just a way for me to hold off my own internal feelings.
When I wake up from a night's sleep I wonder to myself if today is the day my heart will be back to it's old self or will it still be skipping every other beat. I wonder if things that once made me happy to be alive will make a comeback. I wonder if the little things in life that made me who I am will have me once again dreaming to the stars. I wonder if I will feel less empty hearted.
I want to feel that every day can be better than the last.....
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